As I approach the 15-year mark of the passing of Brittany and Brian I have taken the time to think about a lot of things.
I know early on when they died, I had so many triggers that would cause me to fall to my knees breathless. Just seeing a picture of her would knock the wind out of me.
As time went on, with the help of therapy and a lot of wrestling with God I began to move through the stages of grief… denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and then finally into the acceptance stage. I must be honest with you though. I didn’t realize it, but when I would experience joy or triumph in my life I felt very guilty as if I had somehow moved on. I felt like I was leaving my loved ones on the side of the road and I was happy without them. I can see now that I had to learn to do something that most humans are not forced to do. I had to learn, choose and really make the conscious choice to fully live life again with the blessing of those I had lost and simultaneously hold grief and despair. Ambililance at it’s finest.
Being happy and fully living IS WHAT THEY WOULD WANT ME TO DO. It has taken me 15 years to be at this point. As I move forward on this journey in honor of my daughter I know that I will be meeting so many people that are at different stages in their grief. My mission and life’s purpose is to help others to NEVER GIVE UP, no matter what they are facing, and to accept that there is life on the other side.
It is a process, one that each person must decide for themselves is worth it. In honor of Brittany and Brian, I moved forward in life fully ALIVE. I love and miss you both.
With love, hope and happiness,
Jennifer
